How to deal with hurts from the past. Part 1 of this post we mentioned the 3 sources from which hurt can come. Here we’ll talk about 12 tips to getting over hurt.
1: Don’t beat yourself up
First of all I want to mention that it’s not wrong to feel hurt. I’ve spoken with people who feel they are “weak” for feeling upset and hurt. Its not a weakness, it is simply a sign that you have feelings, and this is perfectly normal. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling hurt, and allow yourself time to heal. It’s only a problem when the hurt is getting worse with time or refusing to subside, its at that stage you need a little help.
2: It’s not your fault
There are two parts to this point. First of all don’t blame yourself if it wasn’t your fault, and don’t go over analysing yourself and trying to find out if there was anything you could of done to have prevented it. My second part to this answer is that even if it as partly your fault for the fall out, there is no point in revisiting it over and over. This will hold you back from moving on. Make peace with yourself, and if possible with the other person, if they’ll take your call.
People say that “sticks and stones may hurt your bones but names will never hurt”, the truth is names can hurt a lot. No matter what somebody may have said or done, and it may be really difficult, but we need to forgive. The reason is, we benefit from forgiving, it is only us that unforgiveness will have a bad effect on. I heard said “bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. This statement is true. Holding on to a grudge will pull you down like a weight. It may take saying it to yourself even though you may not even feel or agree with what you are saying. It will take time but you will benefit, and it’s the only way to change the chapter.
4: Encourage yourself
Now I’m not talking about shouting at yourself “I am amazing”, but instead get a book on self confidence. Put on those tunes that make you feel good, not the tunes that sing of a broken heart or how to turn gangsta on your enemies, but instead the songs that are positive. The books that help, and the chats with people that bring help.
5: Get living
Yes get living is what I say. Look forward and start to make plans and goals. You are not defined by your past, but instead by your today. We cannot change the past, but we can choose our future.
6: Say sorry
Sometimes we may have done something wrong. Maybe it was small what we did in comparison to what they have done, but if you want the friendship or relationship to restore, a simple sorry may help it on. I’m not saying be a door mat, but instead exercise your maturity and say sorry for your part (if any) that you did wrong.
Wars only start when people stop talking, and peace happens when people start talking.
Always keep the lines of communication open (depending on what they’ve done, for if they are aggressive you must be careful). Sometimes its wisdom to love and leave an abusive friendship as I’ve discussed in Toxic Friendships. Let the person cool down if it got intense, but don’t give up if it’s worth saving.
The biggest problem that can destroy a friendship or relationship in an instant is when trust is broken. But don’t let it cause you to become a person that doesn’t trust anybody again. Be open to trusting again, and time will help that along. Give people a chance, and you will trust again. I’ve met people who are so secretive that they end up not having any close friends because their trust was broken in the past.
9: Is everybody mean?
You’ve been hurt but that is not an excuse to curl up in a corner and be bitter with the world. Get out there and meet new people, they’re not all bad. The good news is there are good friends out there, and just because one breaks your heart, doesn’t mean they all will.
10: Don’t seek vengeance
Even though you may have a golden opportunity to seek vengeance the answer is a big “DON’T DO IT”. If it’s a legal matter then exercise your rights for the law is for the lawless, but don’t do anything that might cause you even more trouble, like a jail sentence. It’s a liberating feeling when you prove to yourself that you can turn the other cheek.
11: You will heal
Time is a healer so give it time. The more you do to get over it the shorter the healing time needed. So don’t wallow in the hurt, look forward and give yourself time. It won’t pass in a day.
It goes without saying, but have a chat with somebody, or even a professional to help you get understanding. Chatting about it helps the healing process. It’s amazing that by simply opening up and chatting about what happened can be such a remedy to the hurting inside, It’s as if it starts to fall off.
There is a lot more I could add but remember you are one of a kind and no lesser than anybody else. We don’t always know why people do nasty things. If you have any questions or topics you would like discussed further just let me know. Chat to you later and keep your head up. You can join me for my monthly newsletter here.