Haters, bullies, and trolls, are just a few names for the people that target sometimes innocent people for no reason. Bullying is something that isn’t going anywhere.
Why is online bullying so present amongst us? Over the last few months more hatred than ever has been targeted at people online and offline. If you appear to be doing well in life, or share good news. Or perhaps you share an opinion that is not popular opinion, you may be subjected to a litany of hatred and abuse, for all or any of the above reasons.
In todays podcast episode of This Adult Life I chat all about what it is, why they pick us, and what to do. You can listen here or scroll down to read the article all about offline and online bullying.
Why do people get haters?
But what about the bullying, the unprovoked attacks on innocent people. Seeing people take to their Instagram in tears as the wrath of haters was directed at them in unprovoked attacks. Criticising their appearance, their families, their homes. Threads that gone on forever filled with criticism.
As someone who was bullied badly at one point I know how it makes you feel. It can rob your confidence and take all the joy of life away. It can effect your mood and cause you to be distracted and grumpy.
I’ve found that lockdown has given people all this spare time and because of this they have been forced to face what normally they keep busy to avoid thinking about. They have had time to self examine and in so doing don’t like what they see. So they take to the keyboard to vent and attack. They take up bullying as a pastime to escape to.
Why do strangers and friends suddenly start hating us?
The answer isn’t necessarily what you have done. It is in fact usually their perception of what you have done. They see things differently. They see your success as a reason to dislike you and possibly even hate you. To understand this more, see that there are three types of haters.
Type 1: The Jealous Hater
The reason everyone will say to you when you share your experience of bullying. It is usually something like “They are only jealous”. For the most part they may be right, but as you’ll see below its not the only type of bully that exists.
Someone jealous will want what you have, and they hate the fact that you have what they want, so they hate on you for it.
The other more sinister jealous type is the one that is envious. They not only want what you have, they hate that you have it, and they don’t want you to have it either. They want it and don’t want you to have it. The envious type are even worse than a jealous type and can be very cruel.
2: The Hurting Hater
The old saying “Hurt People Hurt People”. Such a true statement and one we seldom talk about when we experience hate toward us.
Hurting people do the hurting, they hurt people emotionally, verbally, ans even physically, because hurting others makes them feel better. They project their pain onto their victim because when the victim hurts it distracts them from their pain.
It’s like a person that self harms, they self harm to get their mind off of their inner pain. The inner pain is so bad they will do anything to escape it, and can self harm as a remedy. This may distract from their inner pain as their mind now becomes focused on the outer physical pain.
A hurting hater is similar. The pain they inflict on you distracts them from their own pain and hurt.
They don’t like to see happiness because it reminds them of the lack of it in their own lives, They loath happy people for it. For them they hate the fact that you appear happy, because it reminds them of their discontent. They vent by coming at you, to hurt you.
3: The Underachiever
Your achievements remind them of their lack of achievement. You went after your dreams and when they see that, they look at themselves and it reminds them of how they didn’t go after their dreams. Or perhaps their dreams didn’t work out as well as yours did. So they project that frustration onto you and try find fault in you or you achievements.
When you share a success or something good that happened you, they interpret it as if you are showing off. They may view you and your life with statements like “who does she think she is, I’ll take her down a peg or two”.
They might feel you don’t deserve what you have achieved and so try to tear it down.
The 3 types of commenters…
There are haters trolls and commenters. Knowing the difference is the difference between either making a friend or hitting the block button.
- Commenters: There are people who will agree and disagree with your opinion or content when it strikes a nerve with them. It causes them to either positively or negatively react. If they see a topic you are chatting on and they feel strongly about that topic they will react. Or perhaps they don’t like something you mentioned. But that is ok, there will always be people whom disagree. Once it is respectful it is ok, that’s just freedom of speech and discussion. Sometimes it is healthy to engage and chat. A true friend will agree to disagree. Don’t always reach for the block button.
- Haters: Those that when you speak on a topic and it strikes a nerve they react. They react with hate and disgust. They either hate your opinion or hate you for something you said, did, or own. The venom in their words will soon show they can’t be reasoned with. It is usually an isolated incident.
- Trolls: A hater true and true, but they don’t go away after that one incident they “troll” you and persecute you. They want you to feel pain and hurt. To take you down and cause you to lose in life. They thrive when you are hurt and they want to see you hurt. This empowers them to see them impact your life. By seeing you hurt gives them a sense of power and control over you, something they may have little of in their own lives. Trolls maybe be like I have mentioned earlier, either jealous, or hurting themselves, or an underachiever. But the reality is they enjoy inflicting pain on you. The block button was invented for such people.
How do you stop haters?
The truth is you don’t try stop a hater. But instead you stop a haters hate hurting you. Below are a few tips to help that and how to achieve that.
1: Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from. Why listen to their criticism, you never asked for it.
2: It’s at you, but it’s not about you. The real issue is their issue, you are just the dart board they are throwing darts at. Although they are saying things about you, it’s not about you. The real reason they pursue bullying is because they have issues in their own lives.
3: They don’t know you so why should you care. Its like if someone started shouting at you from across the street, “You’re fat, You’re ugly, You’re a show off” Would you care? You’d simply ignore and walk away. The same is true for online bullying, they don’t really know you.
They weren’t there when you started out in life and they don’t know your journey. Its like a person who starts watching a film half way through, they don’t know the full story…put simply, they don’t know you
4: Remember who is important to you. Who do you do it for. Who are the ones that really matter in your life. Those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter.
5: Always confide in those that care about you when you feel it getting in on you. It is good to talk and share how you are feeling with those that support you, those you love and trust. Listen to them, they are the ones who have your back. Nobody else matters.
6: Don’t let anyone limit your potential. You might want to hide and disappear. But if you do that it means they controlled you. If you disappear offline permanently it means they won. How dare anyone try limit your potential in life, they have no right to. Don’t allow the bullies to make you change what you love to do in life.
7: Be yourself and don’t try please everyone because its impossible. Its you who got you this far. Don’t allow bullies to give you a complex about yourself of insecurities in your life. Nobody is perfect and neither are you, but never forget, you’re perfect at being you.
How do you respond to haters?
The last tip is tip number 8. How do you respond to haters and bullying. The key is you generally don’t. But if you are feeling the need to, think about your response and even sleep on it. If the bullying is ongoing and you have tried to ignore it, then intervention may be needed. The most important thing is never fight hate with hate.
It is easy to hate the hater, the bully, or the troll. But try not to, don’t let the hurt grow in you. The hurt turns to bitterness over time, and that would be a negative effect on your life. Don’t become a hater yourself due to the pain they caused you.
Instead you do you and focus on what you love to do and who you do it for. the people who love and care for you.
If you like this article please share it, it might just help someone who is going through bullying right now. If you are needing to get advice why not reach out and CONTACT ME