Are you sex mad and single? Are you constantly haunted by sexual thoughts? I’m not suggesting you are a sex addict or anything like that, but from time to time we receive emails from people struggling with sexual temptations. Desires that they find difficult to stop. Here are some pointers for dealing with these urges.
One email I received awhile ago was from a guy who couldn’t stop from fantasizing about scenarios with girls. He was single, and even a Christian, yet he found these intrusive thoughts difficult to stop. In fact he kinda liked when his imagination would run away with itself, but then it would be followed with guilt. This caused him to look at pornography, check out adult movies, but inside he knew it was wrong. How could he stop it though, for the harder he tried to fight these temptations they would automatically pop into his head unexpected. A billboard or an advert on TV would be all that it took to start him off in his imagination. He enjoyed fantasizing at times but then afterwards he would feel really guilty.
Another email we received was from a girl with a similar situation on her mind. To the extent that she felt she wouldn’t be able to control herself if she was presented with an offer from a male. The same thing applied to her, she kind of liked the desire but at other times she hated it and knew it was wrong. The both of them didn’t know what to do and hence when myself and my wife received the emails we knew we needed to also write a public blog to help others that may have these questions about sexual desperation.
Sexual desires are natural
You are a human created with hormones, emotions, and feelings. Desiring to have sex is a natural part of life. Its kind of like eating food. You have an appetite that is there. However if you feed that appetite every time it beckons, you will become overweight pretty quickly, and eventually it could put your life in danger. The advice would be just cause you feel hungry when you see food doesn’t mean you should eat every time, and if its becoming a problem, you need to change the thinking or distract yourself onto something else besides food. The same is with sex. Just cause you feel you need it doesn’t mean its the right time. In fact you cant go without food for a long time, but you can go with out sex forever. You won’t die from a lack of love making no matter what your boyfriend may say. There is a time in your life when it is permissible, but don’t let it take control of you.
But what if it feels right?
In the case of the email above, the girl went on to say how she had found a guy and felt ready to sleep with him. He loved her, bought her gifts, he did absolutely everything text book that would say the relationship was going great. They eventually got engaged and she felt it was time to take it to the ultimate level of physical intimacy and have sex. Our advice was simple. We asked, “why not wait till you get married?”. Here’s a thought, What if she was able to hold herself back, how much stronger would they be as a couple being able to have such self control. What an amazing achievement and character building challenge it would be. When you get married you can have sex as much as you both would like. So she decided to wait till she was married, which was difficult, but a huge addition to their marriage. It really added value to their intimacy, it made it even more special.
Feed it and it will grow
Many people will resort to porn in order to fuel the desires and curiosity. The problem with this is you sexualize your mind to the point everything becomes about sex rather than relationship. The focus starts to hold physical sexual activities on a level that supercedes what it really takes to have a successful relationship. Your focus becomes more focused on lust rather than love. Check out Porn Part 1 & 2 for more on this. The more porn you watch, the more out of touch with intimacy you become. The lust will only grow if you feed it, and the more you feed it, the more it will increase.
The BIG mistake.
The BIG mistake, as I write it in bold, is preached at alot of pulpits and kitchen tables around the world. The mistake preached is that “sex is bad and sinful”. What an insult to God for He created sex, and its a very important role in our lives. Many of us are raised in homes where sex is never mentioned and then we attend churches that preach how dirty it is, when really, sex in a loving marriage is a vital part of a healthy relationship and intimacy. What God says in the Bible is that sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, but sex inside of marriage is right and beautiful.
Some more than others
Another fact is that sexual desire can be stronger in some than others. Just because you may struggle with it doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Its what you do with the thoughts that defines you. Will you fall to the temptation or will you take control and change your thoughts. Deal with it, get advice if you need.
To sum up
Sexual temptation and desires can hit anybody at anytime. Take control, exercise self control even when your feelings are the opposite. You will develop a discipline which will stand to you through life. It will also add huge value to your marriage when you can both abstain from sex until you both say “I do”. Abstaining from sex till you are married can be a big challenge, but take it from me, it will be so worth it for you both when you wait.
Its never too late
It is never too late to decide to change. Maybe you have had sex already, or maybe you even got pregnant. Either way it is never too late to make a choice to change. God will forgive you of all that you have done. He will forget about it if you truly are sorry. So ask God to forgive you and choose to be pure until you are married. Hold yourself back from temptation. Today can be a new day if you ask God to help. God doesn’t hate you, He loves you.
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