Here are 10 steps you can take to start the healing from emotional abuse. I do stress that emotional abuse can be as a result of physical abuse, verbal abuse, bullying, intimidation and from many other ways. People can hurt us in all sorts of ways emotionally. But whatever has happened or is happening, I pray this post will help you recover.
The first thing you must do is be honest with yourself. Don’t pretend it never happened. Admit that you where abused and there have been emotional scars because of that abuse. Admit it, even if it was a family member, a spouse, a friend, or whoever did this to you. Be honest with yourself. Don’t see it it as a sign of weakness the fact that you couldn’t cope with this treatment. Don’t cover it up anymore, its time for you to face up to it and let the healing begin.
Before we go anywhere it is imperative that you don’t blame yourself for what has happened. So often we hear of stories of how the victim feels that somehow they may have even deserved the abuse they received. This is a down and out internal lie that probably came from somebody constantly telling you that it was your fault that caused them to treat you so badly. The problem that can occur is we listen to this talk, and over time we can even believe we are deserving of this abuse. We can feel that maybe they are right, and we fall to this lie that “maybe I am the problem”. Whatever they did or said to you, they are responsible for it, not you. Maybe you did something wrong, it still does not permit somebody to abuse you physically, emotionally, or verbally. It does not permit them to intimidate you or threaten you. The fact is, if you have been emotionally attacked, it is not your fault.
Maybe you never tried this step I’m about to mention, so don’t knock it if you never tried it. I’m not saying to be religious when I say this next step either. From my experience personally and from others, we must pray to God about our pain and past. Tell Him you need help. The reason for this is we all have a spirit, soul, and body. There is no better source to get spiritual help from, than God. There have been times when I didn’t know what to do, I would pray about it. In my own words I would ask God to help. I have had countless times when God would sort it out for me. He is not Santa Clause but he does help when you call on Him.
Get support from somebody that can help you. This could be family, a friend, a pastor. Or maybe have a chat with your GP and ask for professional help if you feel you need it, depending on the degree of abuse. You must talk about it with somebody for this is healing in itself.
With the previous steps in place, you now have the support system you need to move forward. Its this next step that can be a difficult one, but it must happen. If you are still at the mercy of an abuser, you need to communicate to them that you want this treatment to stop. Its not a long conversation, but instead you are making a direct statement. You don’t have to explain your feelings, but instead state the fact that you don’t like the treatment. This works for a relationship where it maybe your boss, friend, or family member. I do stress that depending on the level of abuse, you must get guidance on this before you speak out. The reason I advise you to confront the person is sometimes people don’t realize they are hurting another person. They may even respond with “I didn’t know I hurt your feelings”. In these cases where it is possible to communicate, it can be enough to stop the mis treatment. I do stress to use wisdom.
Forgive yourself. Don’t hold yourself in account for the wrong that has happened you, but instead forgive yourself if you mistreated yourself due to the abuse of others. People have self harmed themselves physically due to being abused. the reason they do this is to distract from the emotional hurt they feel in their hearts. Other times a victim will verbally put themselves down all the time because they have an insecurity caused by the emotional scaring causing them to feel less than others. Its time to STOP and forgive yourself of anything bad that you put yourself through internally.
Love yourself again. The last step and this step are similar but different. You can’t love yourself if you hold a low opinion of yourself. I must also say I’m not saying to love yourself in a vain way or in a way you see yourself better than others. Love yourself in a way that you would want to be loved. Care for yourself, treat yourself to something nice. Even if we feel nobody loves you, know that God loves you no less than anybody else. There is always somebody who cares.
Start to love others again. Stop being mad at the world for what you may have gone through. It was a terrible thing, a horrific thing, but it also a thing in the past. Don’t let your past decide your future. You cannot change history, but you can decide your future. Love people again, love life again by doing what fulfills you. Maybe its collecting stamps, working at a church or charity, or maybe its going for long walks. Whatever it is, start living your life, one baby step at a time.
Feed your soul. Yes I said feed your soul. Your mind will feed on whatever you feed it. Good or bad, it will think on whatever you give it. I do talk more about this in another post called Stinking Thinking.
Change the record. That internal voice in your head needs to change from being hurt to being healed. Whatever you have been through, its your attitude that can help you recover. Having an attitude of “this thing wont beat me” is a winning attitude. But I would say go one step further and say “if God be for me, who can be against me”, this very scripture from the Bible can be such a comfort. It can be like a switch that gets turned on or off depending on your decision.
There are many levels of abuse that can happen each and everyone of us. I do hope this blog post has helped, and I would love to hear from you.
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