Have you suffered with thinking and feeling that you don’t deserve good things? Have you ever felt guilty to the point of feeling you weren’t worthy of good? Do you ever treat yourself? Or are you always looking after everybody else? Are you caught in a guilt trap? This blog I trust will help you in a big way.
There are three types of people I am chatting about in this article. Three mentalities that don’t serve you well.
The first type: The guilty one
Do you feel guilty when you are given something nice as a gift? Do you feel it’s “unholy” to do well financially? Or maybe you feel you haven’t earned the things you have or are given. In some way it’s like you haven’t done enough or you feel others are more deserving. In Ireland this is a real issue, for we sometimes feel guilty when our friend or neighbour sees the new car we bought. We fall into the conversation of playing it down. “Ah I got it for a good deal” or “it’s nice but your car is better”. We may love the car but we feel it’s wrong to let people see us doing well. We feel that even being happy is wrong for that matter.
It’s like as if we don’t want people to think we are doing good or that we are any better than they. Is this a religious thinking mindset? Is this a fear of others disliking us because of our good fortune?
The second type: The pessimistic one
For some people they feel they are less than everybody else. When something good happens them they say things like “it will probably break knowing my luck” or “I don’t deserve this” or maybe something like “ah there must be a catch”. These negative pessimistic statements lead to unhappiness and negative emotions when something good comes their way. People like this are in a negative mentality even when things are good. It’s a constant looking for the bad in things.
The third type: The unloved one
Nobody would ever call themselves the unloved one, but this type of person is more common than you think. The unloved one is the person whom doesn’t love themselves. Not in a vain way, but in a “content with oneself way”. There are some people who don’t appreciate themselves. They feel they are not worthy of attention, gifts, or even encouragement. They simply don’t know how to love who they are. They may even find it hard to show love to others. This can be brought on by a difficult childhood, a cruel or abusive relationship( it doesn’t have to be violent to qualify as abusive, name calling can hurt just as much), or maybe it’s caused by an absence of never been shown love.
These three types of people are all around us and maybe we are one of them. The sad thing is they accept it as their norm. But it’s not your normal. You deserve to be a happy blessed person. So if you can relate to any or all of the above three personality types, here is how to change that negative belief about yourself:
1: Nobody is more valuable than anybody else.
We are all human, and we all deserve to live a good life. Nobody is more valuable than you and you are no more valuable than anybody else.
2: You deserve to be blessed.
When somebody gives you something, it’s a beautiful thing. Why shouldn’t they give you a gift or nice compliment. If they didn’t think you deserved it they wouldn’t give it. So when somebody gives you a gift or compliment, just accept it and be grateful.
3: It’s not always about you.
We also understand when somebody gives us something we should embrace it, for it makes them feel good too. People who like to give are generally happier people, its the giving that makes them happy.
4: It is no more holy to be poor than to be rich.
The Bible says it’s the love of money that is the root of all evil. Money is not evil, loving it is. Some people believe being poor is a more holy way. To be honest with you, being poor is tough. Some say Jesus was poor, yes he was born in a barn, but as soon as he was born, three wise men appeared with gold, frankincense and mir. So He wasn’t poor for long. His father was carpenter which was one of the top trades in those days, so He wasn’t poor.
5: You are worth it.
Yes I know we may associate this saying with certain adverts, but the truth is , “you are worth it”. You are worthy of having the best, you are worthy of enjoying life, you are worthy of being happy and fulfilled in life. Regardless of what people, parents, teachers or peers may have said, you are worth it.
6: You are valuable.
You have life, there is air in your lungs, so take a breath and realise this is your opportunity to embrace life, forget the past, and live your life to the fullest. If you are more well off than your neighbour, don’t feel bad. Instead see can you help them, but don’t put yourself down in order to pick somebody else up.
7: The more you have.
The more you have, the more you have to help people with. So don’t reject promotions, or feel bad when you gain in life. Instead, embrace blessings and use part of it to bless others. True joy comes when we help others and are able to look after ourselves. The more you gain, the more you have to share.
8: Treat yourself.
When was the last time you treated yourself? Well make a plan to treat yourself. Buy those shoes you wanted, go to that special place for dinner, that shop you love. Treat yourself and do it regularly. Now I must stress that you don’t get carried away with yourself, for balance is key. You should treat yourself and others on a weekly basis, it doesn’t have to be expensive to be a treat.
Conclusion: You are the best you that has been, or ever will be. Enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Be a blessing to others. If this helped, or you need advice don’t hesitate to sign up to our newsletter or follow me on Twitter, here are the links:
A blog by Lifecoach Mark Fennell